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“I dumped my Boyfriend because he was intimidated by my Sexual History”-Estranged Lover

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“How many people have you slept with?” he asked.

All of a sudden, six months into our relationship, my boyfriend was insatiably curious about everything that had happened before we’d met. The questions started out simple enough: How old were you when you were first kissed? Then they quickly escalated into questions like: Have you ever had sex in a public place?

When he got an answer that made me seem less than virginal, we fought. Instead of being intrigued, he was insulted. With each new inquiry, it was becoming clear that he thought I was a slut, and I thought I was normal.

I was 29 years old at the time, and he was not my first. He knew this. We had been friends for years, and in that time we both dated and slept with other people, but what mattered to me was that we were in a committed relationship with each other now. When he told me he loved me, I believed him. When he told me he thought we might spend our lives together, I believed him. We knew each other very well. But after all these questions, I felt like I barely knew him.

At first I thought maybe he was nervous that I was unsatisfied in our sex life. I explained to him that he was the only person that I wanted to be with. (No, I did not fantasize about being with other men. No, I didn’t want to have some sort of ménage a quatre.) He stopped ranting just long enough to listen to me whisper all these things, and the fighting would cease. Then another probing question would pop up.

“How many people have you slept with?” he asked again.

I wanted to lie, but I’m a horrible liar. Even when I consider fibbing, my face gives it away. I also knew the answer to that question was none of his business, no matter my number. What does it matter how many people I’ve slept with?

Instead of answering I tried a different tactic: “How many people have you slept with?” I countered.

All I got was a shrug followed by, “I don’t know. I didn’t keep count.”

I was infuriated. What a double standard! As the woman in this relationship, I was expected to be pure as the driven snow, but no matter how many women he’d been with, I was supposed to accept it?

The thing is, though, I did accept it. I didn’t care how many woman he had slept with. He was with me now, and that was enough. My answers, however, were never good enough for him.

This question — How many people have you slept with? — was a trick. My number wasn’t that high. But that wasn’t going to make a difference. Anything higher than one was going to be too much for him. Finally, I answered him. He walked out of the room.

In any relationship, I want to feel accepted as I am. There was no amount of proof I could offer to show that I was good enough for him. Obviously, I couldn’t take back anything I had done in the past. And even if I could, why should I? I wasn’t embarrassed. All of my experiences made me me. But suddenly I was in a relationship where I was required to defend my right to have sex — before I’d even met him. It was emotionally exhausting.

It became clear that this relationship was not going to offer me the level of understanding and trust that I craved. And clearly, he wanted someone … different. After months of arguments and trying to make it work, I broke up with him.

Even though there were moments of love with my boyfriend, there was always a nagging mistrust. I wanted to feel loved and understood by this man who said he wanted to marry me. Instead, I felt horribly judged and small. I promised myself that my next relationship would be different.

When I started dating someone new, I waited for the questions to begin. I wanted to see how this new man would react, but those questions never came. When I did offer tidbits from my past relationships, my past didn’t matter to him. I slowly began to relax, feeling from him the acceptance that I’d wanted. We developed a deep mutual understanding and respect for each other, and in this environment I blossomed. When he told me he loved me I knew that he did. When he asked me to marry him, I said, “Yes.”

The man I ended up with was never once concerned with my history. I was with him, and that was enough.

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REDTV set to Host the Biggest Party of 2019

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REDTV, the fast-paced lifestyle channel that puts Africa on the global stage is about to host the 4th edition of its annual party , ‘The Redtv Rave’ on November 30, 2019. Powered by the United Bank for Africa (UBA), this year’s rave which is themed ‘The shutdown’, is where everyone wants to be.

From the crème de la crème of entertainment to high profile business moguls, the premium entertainment Brand, REDTV, will host creatives and guests to an unforgettable night on November 30th, 2019, kicking off the ‘Dirty December’ party season.

 

The Executive Producer of REDTV, Bola Atta, who spoke excitedly about the rave, stated that a lot has gone into the preparation of this party, where over 5,000 guests are expected. “The REDTV rave is an expression of the fact that REDTV is more than just an entertainment platform, it is a lifestyle and an expression of our language and culture as we constantly connect with members of the creative industry who have been changing the narrative across music, film, fashion and the Arts on the African continent. It is a way to say thank you to all our fans who have followed closely, the successes of some of our shows like The Men’s Club, Boutique Hotel, Our Best Friend’s Wedding and Inspector K, amongst many others’.

 

The performing artists at this year’s rave include a headline of Burna Boy, Olamide and Jidenna. Also performing are rising star, Fireboy, Tems, Ajebutter22, SDC, BOJ, DRB with Dj Concequence and Dj Sparrow on ground to ensure the music flows. Registration to the rave is free and drinks and food are also complimentary as guests get a chance to mingle with some of their favourite celebrities.

 

REDTV is a fast paced lifestyle channel that puts Africa on the global stage. Proudly powered by the United Bank for Africa, the network is an entertainment platform with rich content that feature the very best of Africa.

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SANWO-OLU: WORK TO RESUME ON PEN-CINEMA BRIDGE

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There will soon be respite for motorists plying Agege-Pen Cinema axis in Lagos, as State Governor Babajide Sanwo-Olu assures accelerated completion of the abandoned Pen-Cinema Bridge.

The Governor spoke on Sunday while inspecting ongoing rehabilitation work on major roads in Iju area of the state by Lagos State Public Works Corporation.

Sanwo-Olu, in company of his deputy, Dr. Obafemi Hamzat, said the contractor handling the bridge construction was being prepared for re-mobilisation back on the site.

Expressing concern over the pains residents go through due to regular gridlock on the alternative routes occasioned by abandoned project, Sanwo-Olu said his government would compensate for the discomfort by ensuring timely completion of the bridge.

He said: “I can assure you that we are currently in talks with the contractors handling key road projects in Ikorodu, which are Igbogbo and Ishawo roads, and also a critical project in Agege area, which is the Pen-Cinema Bridge. Our promise is that, if it is not by end of this month; then, by next month, the contractors will be fully mobilised back on sites to complete the work.

“We are particularly concerned about the pain motorists are going through because of the incomplete construction of Pen-Cinema Bridge. We are hoping that the contractor handling the bridge construction, too, will be mobilised back on site. Once we push these three critical infrastructures and get them completed, relief would come to residents in these areas.”

The Governor said the ongoing road repair across the state was an outcome of his Executive Order, which declared emergency rehabilitation of critical roads.

Sanwo-Olu said the repair was being carried out in six segments, pointing out that the highways and arterial carriages were captured in the first set of repair across the state.

He said repair work would begin on roads captured in other segments in succession. The Governor urged commuters to be patient while the repair is being carried out.

He expressed satisfaction on the level of work done, while assuring that the road rehabilitation would be ongoing to until 100 major roads marked for repair in all Local Government Areas across the state get done.

Sanwo-Olu said his administration would continue to be responsive to the challenges confronting the people, assuring the actions of his government would focus on bringing relief to taxpayers.

“We have risen up to the expectations of Lagosians and we believe there is still a lot more to do. It is a work in progress. But we can feel the immediate relief that are coming to residents of all the areas where the rehabilitation work is being done currently,” the Governor said.

Also joining the Governor during the inspection is the Head of Service, Mr. Hakeem Muri-Okunola, and General Manager of Lagos State Public Works Corporation, Engr. Daramola Olufemi.

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EDITORIAL

EDITORIAL: Healthcare Reforms in Nigeria; A Mere Political Statement Lacking Commitment

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By  Manny Ita

Nigeria has since her independence in 1960 had a very robust verbiage or policies by successive gobernments on health reforms but with very little progress or success recorded in what might well be a lack of political will in reforming the health sector.
Over 90% of the Nigerian population are without health insurance coverage. The inability to effectively address the country’s numerous public health challenges has contributed to the persistent and high level of poverty and weakness of the health system.
Political instability, corruption, limited institutional capacity and an unstable economy have also been major factors responsible for the poor development of health services in Nigeria. Households and individuals in Nigeria bear the burden of a dysfunctional and inequitable health system – delaying or not seeking health care and having to pay out of pocket for health care services that are not affordable.
The health challenges of the country include:
National Health Insurance Scheme (NHIS),
National Immunisation Coverage Scheme (NICS),
Midwives Service Scheme (MSS)
Nigerian Pay for Performance scheme
After many attempts at implementing legislation on health insurance since 1960, NHIS, although established in 1999, was eventually launched only in 2005 with the goals to ensure access to quality health care services, provide financial risk protection, reduce rising costs of health care services and ensure efficiency in health care through programmes such as the: Formal Sector Social Health Insurance Programme (FSSHIP), Mobile Health, Voluntary Contributors Social Health Insurance Programme (VCSHIP), Tertiary Institution Social Health Insurance Programme (TISHIP), Community Based Social Health Insurance Programme (CBSHIP), Public Primary Pupils Social Health Insurance Programme (PPPSHIP), and the provision of health care services for children under 5 years, prison inmates, disabled persons, retirees and the elderly.
The NHIS was expected to provide social and financial risk protection by reducing the cost of health care and providing equitable access to basic health services with the most vulnerable populations in Nigeria including children, pregnant women, people living with disabilities, elderly, displaced, unemployed, retirees and the sick.
Free health care services and exemption mechanisms are expected to provide financial risk protection for the most vulnerable populations but evidence suggest that they are ineffective and have failed to achieve this aim.
The maternal mortality ratio for Nigeria remain quite high at 814 per 100000 live births according to 2016 World Health Statistics. Across the country, pregnant women and children under five years are generally charged fees when accessing health care services, despite the federal government’s declaration of free health for pregnant women and children under five years in 2005.
The Minister of Health, Professor Isaac Adewole in 2016 announced the Federal Government’s plan to provide free health services to 100 million Nigerians in the next two years. Under this new health agenda, pregnant women across Nigeria are expected to enjoy free maternal and delivery services at the primary health care (PHC) level.
Unfortunately, Free health care services and exemption mechanisms often arise as campaign promises of political actors to the electorate and fall short in meeting the health needs of the most vulnerable populations. According to Nigeria Demographic Health Survey (NDHS) in 2013, over 60% of pregnant women aged 15-49 deliver their babies at home without any antenatal care visits. In rural areas, this value reaches 76.9%. The situation is critical in North East and North West regions of Nigeria where over 79% of pregnant women age 15-49 deliver their babies at home. Over 60% of pregnant women in Bayelsa, Plateau and Niger deliver at home rather than a health facility.
The cost of health care and the low quality of care by the public have been argued to be the reason for the poor utilisation of maternal and child health services in Nigeria.
In addition, health spending in Nigeria is low and this is responsible for the over-reliance on out of pocket payments for health care services.
Despite its launch in 2005, NHIS covers less than 10% of the Nigerian population leaving the most vulnerable populations at the mercy of health care services that are not affordable. This means the most vulnerable populations in Nigeria are not provided with social and financial risk protection. Poor people constitutes about 70% of the Nigerian population. They lack access to basic health services, which social and financial risk protection should provide, because they cannot afford it.
CBSHIP was expected to meet their health needs as well as provide social and financial risk protection to this group, which mostly reside in rural areas. As evidenced in the high rate of out of pocket payments for health care services , poor people financially contribute more to health care than official care and funds programmes in Nigeria. Out of pocket payments for health care services limit the poor from accessing and utilising basic health care services.
The quality of health care services delivered is poor and remains a huge source of concern. Most of the PHC facilities that are supposed to meet the health needs of the poor and rural dwellers are in a poor state due to poor budgetary allocation.
In trying to solve these issues, healthcare in the country must be tackled headlong in order to stem the detyeriorating development therein, which could portend grave danger for citizens of the country in the no-ditant future.
Policy makers and political actors need to devise health care reforms to address the lack of social and financial protection for the poor and vulnerable populations. Part of this reform is the expansion of the NHIS. States should be mandated to provide health insurance coverage to all residents. Making health insurance optional for states over the years has affected the ability of the NHIS to increase the level of coverage for the people.
While the mandatory CBHI scheme is being scaled-up as a supplementary measure, state governments should enrol poor residents in a private health insurance plan and bear the responsibility of paying the monthly premium per person to Health Maintenance Organisations (HMOs). It is not enough to have a national health insurance policy, it is important to ensure that health insurance coverage is provided to the poor and most vulnerable populations as a matter of the human right to health.
Although the NHIS Act made provision for children, who constitute the largest population in Nigeria, many children still have to pay for health care services in spite of being born into poor families that do not have the ability to pay for health care services and suffer financial hardship as a consequence. The free health policies and exemption mechanisms provided by some states, targeted at children, pregnant women and the elderly, are not social and financial risk protection policies, as these groups are largely responsible for the cost of health care with the free health care programme barely covering their basic health care services.
Another way of providing social and financial risk protection for poor and vulnerable populations is by establishing a legislative framework for a UHC scheme and setting aside funds for it. Evidence from Thailand has shown the effect of UHC schemes through PHC on expanding access to health care for the poor and vulnerable populations.
Political actors, policy makers and all stakeholders in the health sector should establish a government funded social and financial risk protection scheme through a general tax financing system for the poor and vulnerable, and invest in basic infrastructure for health care in rural areas for quality health care service delivery. UHC schemes are important in addressing the problem of poor coverage, limited access to health care, and poor quality of health care services.
Nigeria is yet to adopt innovative ways to protect the poor and vulnerable populations against financial risk of ill health. It is important to guarantee by law the right to health care of all citizens in Nigeria. Although the National Health Act (NHA) that was signed into law in 2014 stated that all Nigerians are entitled to basic minimum package of health care services, it is not clear if the provisions made in the NHA are capable of achieving UHC in Nigeria. In addition, the NHA is yet to be implemented over two years after its signage into law.
Some low- and middle-income countries (LMICs) have been able to provide social and financial risk protection schemes for poor and vulnerable populations as a matter of the human right to health. Therefore, there is a need to provide social health protection schemes targeted at these groups in Nigeria. The poor and vulnerable populations should not become impoverished because of failure to obtain much needed health care services. Governments must reduce out of pocket payments for health care services by households through the adoption of a tax financed non-contributory UHC scheme.

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