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“In Nigeria You Have to Reach Your Pocket to Get Anything Done” – Mugabe
President Mugabe of Zimbabwe is a man of high comical proportions. Apart from anti-West speeches and the notorious land grab of the early 2000s, the man has a sense of humor to rival the best in the comedy business.
Looking pretty hale and hearty, Zimbabwe’s President Mugabe has been around for 92 years, 36 of which have been spent as leader of Zimbabwe. He also has a knack for controversy that makes Malema look like a saint.
Nigeria was unfortunately the target of one of his hilarious swipe jokes lately as presented among a selection of his jokes below.
The Wedding Proposal
Nothing excites the world as much as a wedding and indeed when President Mugabe hinted he planned to put a ring on Obama’s finger, we all went crazy. Speaking on Zimbabwean national radio, President Mugabe said, “I’ve concluded – since President Obama endorses the same-sex marriage, advocates homosexual people and enjoys an attractive countenance – thus if it becomes necessary, I shall travel to Washington DC, get down on my knee and ask his hand.I shall travel to Washington DC, get down on my knee and ask his hand.” Who knew Obama could land himself a pan-Africanist that easily?
President Mugabe however, immediately changed gears and went on to show his disdain for the US Supreme Court ruling that legalised homosexual marriage across all 50 states of America. Our one question to the good Zimbabwean statesman though, should Obama tell his friends that he found a suitor or you cancelled that Washington D.C trip? The poor man has been waiting.
The Numerous Resurrections
“I have died many times – that’s where I have beaten Christ.I have died many times – that’s where I have beaten Christ. Christ died once and resurrected once,” runs the famous quote by President Mugabe. For a man who is proclaimed dead every January, this quote pretty much sums everything up. So what is the secret to these resurrections? “There are things one must do for oneself. Don’t drink at all, don’t smoke, you must exercise and eat vegetables and fruit.” That is the rule of thumb if you want to die and rise again every January. Now that some students want 21 February, President Mugabe’s birthday to be declared a national holiday, maybe a Presidential Easter for all the times he has risen from the dead is not such a bad idea.
On Zimbabwean Nationals in Britain
“Britain is a very cold, uninhabitable country with small houses.Britain is a very cold, uninhabitable country with small houses.” Need anyone say more? The man was discussing the issue of exiles who he said had used his name to seek asylum and “If you
said ‘Mugabe’, they would just say ‘come in, come in’….but see now , they are saying these people are too many, they are causing tension in Britain, let them go back.” He urged them to come back from the cold country with small houses promising new jobs and economic development. This is another joke that the whole ruling party must have been in on as they promised more than 2 million jobs but if anything, thousands of jobs were lost as a result of a ruling in the Zimbabwean courts that allowed termination of contracts without notice.
The Desmond Tutu Public Spat
After Desmond Tutu said President Mugabe resembled a caricature of an African dictator and was Frankenstein, the President did not take it lying down. He took the game to another level retorting, “He is an angry, evil and embittered little bishop.He is an angry, evil and embittered little bishop.” This was back in 2004 and in 2013, the President of Zimbabwe took another pot-shot at the Bishop, this time for his pro-gay stance.
“….then we have a respectable man, an archbishop. Tutu should just step down because he supports gays, something that is evil. We say no to gays.”
Maybe the Zimbabwean President just did not like Archbishop Tutu who also did not have too many kind words, “I really feel ashamed in many ways because Mugabe used to be such a splendid leader.”
Can these gentlemen call a truce though? They inspire too many people to resort to back-street spats.
On the Level of Corruption in Nigeria
“Are we now like Nigeria where you have to reach your pocket to get anything done?”Are we now like Nigeria where you have to reach your pocket to get anything done? was the question. President Mugabe in this instance was speaking at a luncheon for his 90th birthday and he continued, “You get into a plane in Nigeria and you sit there and the crew keeps dilly dulling without taking off as they wait for you to fly the plane.”
This veiled attack on Nigerian corruption is contrary to the position reported by the Global Corruption Perception index that ranked Nigeria 144th and Zimbabwe 157th in 2013. In 2015, Nigeria sat at 136 and Zimbabwe at 150. Zimbabwe is more corrupt in this metric and the fact that a joke was even made about Nigeria exposes it.
President Mugabe has captured our imagination in more times than we can recount. Politics aside, here is a man who knows how to light up our days with laughter and surprise us at every turn. Sometimes the surprises are not exactly pleasant but the shock factor is worth it every time.
Way and Life Concepts Limited is one of the real estate company that has been leaving indelible mark in the industry for its more than one decade of existence.
Founded by Abraham Adebayo Shodiya an indigene of Ogun State, Abeokuta to be precise, though he was born and grew up in Agege, Lagos where he had his primary school at Bishop Oluwolel Memorial Primary School, after which he proceeded to Keke High School Ifako Ijaiye housing Estate and later Fstc Yaba where graduated studying Building Technology Programs.
He thereafter, ventured into Real Estate business with training from Realty Point Limited school of estate in 2008 from where he established his own real estate company, Way and Life Concepts Limited popularity known as “Money in Bush”.
Adebayo, registered the company as a business name “Way and Life Properties Concepts” in 2007 and it was later changed to Way And Life Concepts Limited when he upgraded it to a limited liability company.
The success of the company is attributed to their philosophy which set them apart from their competitors, according to the CEO, the philosophy of the Way and Life Concepts Limited is “the best way to live a real life is for us to pave way for investors to partner with us while we take care of their portfolio as a real estate manager, we also need to be open to customers and to tell them the nitty grity of the venture and how we are going to go about making their dream come through” he explained.
Reacting to stories making the rounds that many real estates Companies collect money but do not allocate land to their subscribers, Adebayo said it is quite unfortunate that business owners are not transparent. In his words “There is the need to be open in every business.
There are challenges and if they have challenges allocating to subscribers they should call for a gathering to address them on what has transpired and the solution and plan to make sure the mess is taken care of, but their not allocating lands to the people and becoming silent or run away is not the solution. Doing that is bringing setbacks to the real estate business.
“Before parting with your money with any real estate agent or developer make sure you do your search to know if the company is registered and is a member of a government registered association. Verifications need to be done when it comes to real estate investment.”He stated.
Talking about the Omo Onile syndrome, Adebayo spoke about the solution to the albatross to the job of real estate. He explained that with his more than a decade experience in the real estate industry, he has been able to not only mastered how to manage the Omo Onile wahala but has also learnt how to relate with Governments simply by recognizing them as a player in the industry.
In his words, “In Nigeria real estate, Omo Oniles are also players in the industry but we have to come into understanding with them and so far this has been helping as they don’t come to disturb our customers”.
Adebayo also explained that they have been able to attract new customers and maintain old ones giving people the opportunity to live the real life and being transparent with their customers and their prospective buyers by exposing the nitty-gritty of the business to them to gain their confidence and thereby improving the real estate portfolio of the investors.
On how they handle issues with governments, he expressed his appreciation to the governments of Lagos, Ogun, Osun and Oyo State for their cooperation and the wonderful relationship they’ve been able to establish, he said their is synergy with these governments as they have good relationship with the Way and Life Concepts Limited from their ministry of Lands to the house committee that oversees land issue in the States.
Way and Life Concepts Limited is currently having housing estate projects available for subscriptions in Shimawa Ogun State, Imota-Ikorodu, Atan-Ota, Ifo and Ibeju Lekki, with a plan to spread the company tentacles to Oyo and Osun State, Adebayo Shodiya explained.
He explained further that one of the easiest ways to acquire land and houses in pocket friendly style is how the company fashioned its installment payment system while giving out heavy discounts to outright payers, he exposed that the company works closely with the clients to come up with a financial plan that will be suitable to both parties.
“We sit down with our customers and make payment plans that will not be difficult for them and us, we also help them build at affordable prices from the foundation level to D.P.C, from D.P.C level to roofing level, from roofing level to external finishings, internal finishings e.t.c. We do this to help our customers in becoming homeowners in the alternative to the cumbersome process of bank loans.
He also said in the case of any investor who dies in course of investment, before the proper handing over of the property to the family who is the next of kin, in his words
“All of our investors have a filled form with us. In the form there is a column for next of kin, this does not mean the property (s)/investment (s) will automatically be transferred to the next of kin but we will get some other details of the investor through the next of kin after which we shall request for an administrative letter from the concern people of the investor. This letter is supposed to be processed from the court of investment/investor’s jurisdiction. This will help us to do a proper investment handover.” He explained.
In dealing with fraudulent people parading themselves as realtors, Adebayo Shodiya calls for due diligence, according to him “You cannot loose totally in real estate investment especially if you have visited the said property site before or during the period of investment.
We presently have private regulatory body and Association who will not cover any fraudulent Estate Company. To avoid the repeat of such, investors need to do their due diligence before parting with their money.”
Responding to issues with allocation, he explained that the company allocates in batches, he stated that “For any of our new projects, we allocate in batches of minimum of 50 to 100 allottees while any of our developing projects produces immediate allocation to individual buyers.
“We have had some cases where we had allocated to so many subscribers while they were still paying in installment, some paid half of the property price, some paid 80% and were allocated. We still plan to repeat such as we kick off our new projects in Simawa, Mowe, Atan-Ota and Ifo areas.” Adebayo revealed.
Our role is to set up every possible mean that will make real estate investment convenient for our prospective customers while the role of our customers and prospects is to be up to date in their payment structure as no business will thrive without exchange of money and consistent activities, Shodiya concluded.
People from various walks of life have been enjoined to explore other means of transportation to ease the cuerent fuel subsidy removal in the country.
This was a submission made by the former Commissioner for transportation in Ogun State, Engr. Gbenga Dairo, while receiving the pupils from Divine Grace Foundation Montessori School, Aro Lambo, Oke-Aro, Ogun State.
Engr. Dairo stated this in Abeokuta after giving them (pupils) a Train ride from Lagos, bicycle riding, and also taking them on a boat ride in the state capital.
He further advocated for formal education in various institutions of learning or vocational centres on how to operate other modes of transportation, like bicycles, in order to serve as other modes of transportation in the future.
According to Engr. Gbenga Dairo, Olukunle Michael, one of the pupils who passionately discussed the various modes of transportation in a video he saw online, caught his attention and motivated him to provide them with a real-life experience of these transportation methods.
He said giving them the opportunity to witness and engage them with sustainable transportation firsthand could nurture their curiosity and inspire them to continue envisioning a greener and more interconnected future of Ogun State.
Engr. Dairo urged the people to key into other means of transportation, especially when transporting themselves from one place to another, enjoining Nigerians to explore all modes of transportation, including not only the railway or personal vehicle but also tricycles and others.
Speaking, the proprietress of the School, Miss. Oyindamola Bajulaye, appreciated the former commissioners’ gesture, adding that the event was not expected as it would be of great benefit to the kids in the nearest future.
With the core mandate of the Federal government on fiscal policies which include revenue generation, anti smuggling and unwavering resolve to facilitate trade, the Nigeria Customs Service, NCS, Port Harcourt Area 11 Command, Onne says it had generated over N136, 213,838, 643. 56 Billion in the half year of 2023, covering January to the 20th of July 2023 and intercepted 32 contraband goods worth over N1Billion the same period under review.
Our correspondent reports that this disclosure was made available in a press statement issued and signed by the Command’s public Relations officer Superintendent Benjamin Lomba in Port Harcourt, the Rivers state capital.
Recall that since assumption of Office early this year, Compt. Imam Baba has continued to add value, and innovation which resulted in total face-lift of the entire command especially with the construction of a new 110-seater capacity conference hall, 40-seater training centre among others which have created a conducive business environment for Maritime stakeholders.
Such robust stakeholders’ engagement has resulted in a high revenue profile and ensured strict compliance to import, export and clearance procedures.
Comptroller Imam’s dynamic and results- oriented leadership style has ensured the blockage of all possible revenue leakages and smuggling activities which resulted in “the seizures of a total number of containers – Thirty two (32) with Duty Paid Value of ₦1,152,747,338.88; notable among this seizure consists of the following; Pharmaceutical/Medicament and fireworks with Duty Paid Value of 139.8 Million naira; Vegetable oil with Duty Paid Value of 833.1 Million naira; Plastic with Duty Paid Value of 6.6 Million naira; Textiles with Duty Paid Value of 3.6 Million.”
Continuing, the statement says “In the Month of June, The Command made a Seizure of drugs in one of the Bonded Terminals. The drugs were handed over to NDLEA in order to fulfill our obligation as contained in the memorandum of understanding between the Nigeria Customs Service and NDLEA.”
On the Transire/Bonded Terminal, The Customs Area Controller, Compt Imam Baba, noted that “It is important to inform the public that one of the core functions of Customs is trade facilitation which entails a streamlined and simplified technical and legal procedure for items entering or leaving Nigeria.”
He added that, these Procedures are guides in which all Customs officers must adhere to saying “in recent times the Area 11 Command Onne has observed that stakeholders are misinformed about some of these procedures, especially the procedure for transferring containers to bonded terminals.”
The CAC insisted that it was necessary to educate the public that the final destination of any consignment rests in the choice of the owner even as he stated that “It is necessary to educate the public that the final destination for any consignment into the Country is at the owner’s choice. Hence, the procedure to follow in achieving these cannot be altered by any customs officer including an Area Controller.”
Compt. Imam continued, “Firstly the importer has to stipulate the bonded terminal or port that will be the final destination right at the country of exportation. The Final destination is always indicated in the bill of lading which is transmitted via the shipping companies to the sea port where the vessel will berth.”
The statement continued, “The Onne Command on receiving the transmission by procedure is expected to check two things on the bill of lading. Which are the Nature code and the Transit clause to ensure that the consignments are destined for a bonded terminal outside the command.”
He reiterated that “This negates the erroneous belief that consignments land in Onne port and thereafter the importer decides to move them to a bonded terminal.”
The CAC reaffirmed, “Once again Customs officers cannot determine the final destination of any consignment into the Country.”
“Secondly part of the procedure stipulates that this items moving to bonded terminals should have a bond which is one of the requirements the Onne Command ensure is fulfilled before the third procedure of escort from Onne Port to the bonded terminal.”
He posited that the moment all these requirements were met no Officer not even the area controller can stop these consignments from leaving the port even as he added that , by procedure this consignment cannot be examined in the Command before their departure no matter their content.
He explained that the best the Command could do was to relay any intelligence about the consignment to the Customs formation where it was destined to arrive.
Compt Imam, reiterated, that It was worthy to note that it is only the customs officers at the final destination that were allowed by procedure to examine the consignment even as he emphasized that for consignments destined for a bonded terminal under the Command jurisdiction by procedure they are subjected to Payment of duty via the designated banks before proceeding to the bonded terminal.
The Customs Area Comptroller made it clear that “The public and our stakeholders should note that these procedures are strictly observed by the Onne Customs Command hence should have a rethink before assuming fictitious imaginations about operations in Onne.”
However, the statement stated that the Command recently got a directive from Headquarters in Abuja to ensure that all consignments leaving the port are scanned. “This instruction has been carried out diligently.”
“In view of the development, “All stakeholders involved in movement of containers via transire to other destinations outside the port can testify to the fact that their containers are scanned after fulfilling the necessary procedures before leaving the port.” He asserted.
He therefore called on all importers, exporters and Licensed Customs Agents to adhere strictly to the fiscal policies of the Federal government vowing that the Command would not condone any action or inaction capable of derailing or undermining the federal government fiscal policies on imports and exports.
Credit: Bon Peters, Port Harcourt, Rivers State
